Trace the impact of triggers versus the impact of your internal reactions
This exercise continues from the Behaviour-Discomfort Connection exercise. There, you identified unhealthy behaviours and the discomfort that drives them. Now, we'll explore where that discomfort actually comes from.
When something triggers you, there are two sources of discomfort: the trigger itself, and your internal reaction to it. Many people discover that a significant portion of their suffering comes not from what happened, but from how they responded to it.
Your internal reactions cause discomfort whenever they are unhealthy. Unhealthy reactions are those that cause more harm than good. Harm can be immediate or delayed.
The chain reaction: Unhealthy internal reactions create mental and emotional discomfort. This sustained discomfort leads to unhealthy behaviours (like avoidance, withdrawal, or overeating) as your system tries to cope. The manifestation of the chain reaction is what we generally call stress or burnout. If left unaddressed, it can progress to anxiety and depression.
Important: The unhealthy behaviours you identified in the previous exercise are not a problem to fix directlyâthey are a manifestation of the level of discomfort you are experiencing. By understanding where that discomfort originates, we can address the root cause.
Key principle: If your internal reactions would be damaging if expressed in public, then they are most likely unhealthy. The same standards apply whether the internal reaction is directed at yourself or others.
The only way to change the negative emotional impact is to acknowledge and moderate the reaction itself.
This is a self-reflection exercise. The goal is to acknowledge how much of your stress and burnout comes from triggers versus how much comes from your internal reactions to those triggers.
Important: The objective is NOT to eliminate or suppress all internal reactions. The point is only to explore whether internal reactions should follow the same social norms we enforce in public, or be left open-ended.
No change is required at this stage. Awareness itself is the first step. Be curious, be honest with yourself, and be kind to yourself as you explore.
After completing this exercise, consider discussing the results with your mental health professional.
Recall the events or circumstances that led to the unhealthy behaviours you identified
In the Behaviour-Discomfort Connection exercise, you identified unhealthy behaviours and the discomfort driving them. Now, let's trace back to what triggered that discomfort.
What event or circumstance led to the discomfort and unhealthy behaviour?
Think back to what happened before the discomfort began. What was the triggering situation, person, or event?
Symptoms immediately after the trigger (before your internal reaction):
These are the symptoms that arose naturally from the trigger itselfâbefore you had time to think or react internally. It's okay if you're not sure; just do your best to remember.
Acknowledging what triggers you takes courage. Whatever symptoms you've identified here are validâthey're your body and mind's natural response to a difficult situation.
Exploring how you responded internally (within yourself) after the trigger
This step takes courage. Most of us have an inner voice that can be harshâand it often operates automatically, without us noticing. There's no judgement here; we're simply shining a light on patterns that usually stay hidden.
Describe your internal dialogue:
What thoughts went through your mind? What did you say in your head? How did you say it? Try to recall as honestly as you can.
Which of these statements apply to your reaction at the time?
These are common comments people make under stress. Select any that resonate with you. Remember: recognising these patterns is a sign of self-awareness, not a flaw.
If you recognised yourself in some of these statements, you're not alone. Most people have a harsh intense inner voiceâit often develops as a way to cope or stay motivated. The fact that you can see it clearly is the first step toward change.
Honestly assessing what your internal reaction actually changed
This is an important moment of reflection. Think about the triggering event or personâdid your internal reaction have any real effect on the external situation?
Be honest with yourself. There's no wrong answer here.
Internal reactions can only affect triggering circumstances and people up to a point. When we feel out of control, the instinct is often to increase the duration and intensity of the reactionâas if pushing harder will give us more control.
However, that only leads to increased discomfort and complicates our circumstances. This is one of the key insights of MBT: the reaction itself can become a greater source of suffering than the original trigger.
Understanding how your internal reaction affected you
Now let's gently explore what happened to your symptoms after your internal reaction. This is often where people discover something important: that their reaction added to their suffering, separate from the original trigger.
Whatever you find here, remember: this awareness is valuable. It's information, not judgement.
This is perhaps the most important step. Think about the internal reaction you hadâthe statements, the tone, the way you behaved within yourself. Now let's gently explore how this compares to how you behave in public.
How often do you react in public the same way?
Would you say those statements out loud to a colleague, friend, or family member? Would you speak as intensely to another person? Would you tolerate another person speaking as intensely to you?
Why not?
What stops you from reacting that way in public? What do you know about those reactions that makes you hold back?
How do you prevent yourself from behaving that way in public?
What do you do differently? What strategies do you use?
If you can prevent these unhealthy reactions in public, you already have the skills to moderate them. The same strategies that work interpersonally can work within yourself.
The answers you've written here may be some of the most important insights of this exercise. You've identified that you already have healthier ways of reactingâyou just haven't been applying them to yourself.
It's completely natural to feel apprehensive about changing deep-seated patterns. Even when those patterns cause us pain, they often feel familiar and safe. Let's explore what fears might be holding you back.
These fears are common and understandable. Many people hold onto intense internal reactions because they believeâoften subconsciouslyâthat this is what keeps them safe, motivated, or in control without any complications.
Recognising these fears is not about dismissing them. It's about bringing them into awareness so you can facilitate the process of change.
By completing this exercise, you've shown tremendous self-awareness and honesty. Whatever you've discoveredâwhether surprising or confirming what you suspectedâthis awareness is the foundation for positive change. Be proud of yourself for doing this work.
Thank you for your honesty and courage in exploring these patterns. What you've done here takes real strength.
Whatever patterns you've uncovered, please remember: you developed these reactions for a reason. To some extent, they have helped you cope, stay motivated, or feel in control. There's no need for self-criticism here.
This exercise is about understanding, not judgement. The insights below are tools for growth, not evidence of failure.
Understanding where your discomfort originates helps you identify where change is possible.
You already practice regularly a healthier version of those unhealthy reactions. The capacity for healthier reactions isn't something you need to createâit's something you already use, just not within yourself.
If you have been able to hold relationships, it means your interpersonal reactions are sufficiently moderated at a healthy level. You already know how to react in ways that don't cause excessive damageâyou do it with others all the time.
Unhealthy internal reactions don't just cause momentary discomfort. When these patterns persist, they create a cascade that affects your whole wellbeing:
Unhealthy Reactions â Sustained Discomfort â Stress & Burnout â Unhealthy Behaviours â Anxiety & Depression
The symptoms you've trackedâthe physical tension, racing thoughts, mental fogâare signals that your system is under strain. When discomfort becomes constant, it manifests as stress and burnout. This then leads to unhealthy behaviours to cope: avoidance, withdrawal, overeating, or numbing.
If left unaddressed, this can progress to anxiety and depression. But here's the hopeful part: by becoming aware of where the discomfort originates, you've taken the first step toward interrupting this progression.
The trigger happenedâit's in the past and cannot be changed. But your internal reaction can last a long time after the triggers have gone, and its damage continues to accumulate as long as it remains unhealthy.
According to MBT, as reactions become healthier, the level of discomfort and the unhealthy patterns of behaviours resolve. This isn't about suppressing your feelings or pretending everything is fine. It's about being within yourself the same socially appropriate person you are in public.
This exercise is for self-reflection and educational purposes only. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a qualified healthcare professional.
The results and patterns identified here can be a valuable starting point for discussions with your therapist or counsellor. You don't have to navigate this alone.